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Right Turn Clyde

This is the beginning of my latest short story.  I have no idea where it’s going:

 

Charles drummed his fingers against the steering wheel while Nora sat in the passenger seat of their Subaru avidly ignoring him.  He knew he’d been an ass but she had just kept nagging him.  How could they possibly be lost?  Finding the world’s largest chair seemed pretty straight forward, how could you miss a 50-foot orange velvet armchair parked in the middle of nowhere?  Yet somehow he had managed to.  Nora’s typically sunny disposition had quickly evaporated as she’d gamely encouraged him and then desperately asked him to get over himself and ask for directions.  He had initially brushed her off but once he realized they were indeed lost he had ended up snapping at her insistence that he ask for directions.  Now she was draped against the passenger side door with her head phones firmly on and her iPod blasting.  He wished their destination would magically appear up ahead,  he wished she would talk to him, he wished he could apologize but that felt too much like conceding defeat so he continued to drive and stare ahead while darkness encroached on the day.

“I hope we spot somewhere to eat soon, I’m starving.” Charles said, to which Nora did not reply.  Charles sighed heavily and resigned himself to a quiet and tense drive home.  He’d noticed that for the past the shrubbery had been crowding further and further on to the road, no signs of life besides he and Nora were apparent and the pavement was petering out in to gravel, his TomTom GPS had also been worryingly-silent for the past 45 minutes or so.  What was he doing? Why didn’t he pull over or turn around or do something other than continue following a road with no apparent end?  The decision was made for him as the car turned a corner and they encountered a gate. 

Charles pulled to a stop and put the car in to park.  He then turned to Nora who looked back at him impassively.  “I think we’re lost, heh” Charles stuttered.  Nora continued to look back at him for a minute, then turned away and exited the car.  Charles sat and watched her walk towards the fence, he thought he heard calliope music somewhere far off and wondered if he was losing it, that would explain a lot.  He got out of the car and walked up behind Nora who was now straddling the fence, swinging her booted-feet and staring off in to the evening.  Charles began, “Nora, I’m really sorry.  I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to admit when I’m wrong and you didn’t deserve that—“  Nora raised a hand to interrupt him.  “Charles…” she said, “ you’re a man, it’s what you guys do but do you hear that?”  Charles found himself holding his breath and listening to the sounds of the surrounding woods.  Underneath the rustling of the wind in the trees and the errant hoots of an owl above them there definitely was steam organ music.  Nora leapt off of the fence and began running deeper in to the woods.  Charles gaped after her and then gave chase.  “Nora, what are you doing?!”  he demanded?  He heard her feet pounding the ground ahead of him and, amazingly, her laughter.  “Keep up, slowpoke!” she yelled over her shoulder.  Charles ran and thrashed through the forest while tree limbs tripped him up, grabbed for him and held him back.  He had been so busy watching his feet and focusing on not tripping that at first he didn’t realize that he no longer heard Nora ahead of him.  He came to a stop and looked up to find Nora a few feet ahead standing stock-still in a clearing with a warm light enclosing her.  She turned to him with a look of wonder on her face and he watched her eyes light up as she then yelled “Charlie, it’s a dragon!” Charles ran towards her and also came to a stop in the clearing.  There in the middle of the forest was a carousel made of ivory, glass and gold.  Wyverns, ligers and unicorns circled the clearing lazily while music tinkled and filled the air.  Nora again let out a laugh and raced towards the carousel.  Charles, not knowing why, reached forward to stop her but his fingers barely grazed the back of her coat…

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This Article Struck a Chord With Me…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html

I dated a man who did this for a year and a half and in May I finally dumped him.  Why did I stay with someone for so long when he made me feel horrible about myself and was so clearly wrong for me?  Because I was convinced that it was all me; that he wasn’t that bad and I simply wasn’t being patient or understanding enough.  He’d tell me everything that was “wrong” with me when in truth, he was just a sociopathic asshole and after a year and a half of this I hated him as well as myself.  Never again.  Here’s an excerpt from the article but I suggest that all of you, especially those of you who are male, read it:

And the act of gaslighting does not simply affect women who are not quite sure of themselves. Even vocal, confident, assertive women are vulnerable to gaslighting. Why? Because women bare the brunt of our neurosis. It is much easier for us to place our emotional burdens on the shoulders of our wives, our female friends, our girlfriends, our female employees, our female colleagues, than for us to impose them on the shoulders of men. It’s a whole lot easier to emotionally manipulate someone who has been conditioned by our society to accept it. We continue to burden women because they don’t refuse our burdens as easily. It’s the ultimate cowardice.

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Hooray for Fresh Starts.

I feel like I’m constantly beginning again; sometimes it’s frustrating but sometimes it feels like a blessing. I just registered for the Spring semester, one class during each session ’cause right now that’s all I feel like I can handle but it’s better than nothing. For various reasons completing my BA has taken me a very long time; there was my time in Ireland, my Mother’s illness, etc and now I work full time but I’m getting it done and doing it on my terms. I dropped my classes during the first half of the Fall semester for a cause that felt worth it at the time and I have come to regret that decision but you live and you learn, right? I’m ready to get back to my studies and the things that matter. 2011 brought a lot of growth for me and 2012 is going to continue that pattern so here we go.

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I…

am so very tired of having my opinions, feelings, thoughts, etc. dismissed.  It seems to happen more and more in all aspects of my life and in this moment, right now, I am fucking enraged. 

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Growing Up Is Sad, Isn’t It?

Lately I’ve realized how much I’ve grown.  I’m much more pragmatic than I used to be, if that’s possible.  I’ve done away with a lot of romantic notions and ideas and put away childish thoughts and ideas.  I miss that innocence but no longer have time for it.  This is disheartening but maybe it’s a fact of life?

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How Do You Know…

when it’s time to give up on someone?  How do you know when it’s time to throw in the towel?  My friend Mark says it’s when your heart gives up on the matter but do you really have to wait ’til your heart’s been broken enough that it simply says ” no more” to get out of a certain situation?  How do you know when the person’s worth it or when you’re just banging your head against a wall?  Uncertainty drives me nuts.  Type A people can’t handle this type of thing.

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I’m beginning to think…

that my body mods, save for the tattoos because they typically commemorate something, are some sort of subconscious punishment I inflict on myself.  If I’m now aware of it I guess it’s no longer subconscious, eh?  But yes, I think I may hurt myself when I feel that I’ve fucked up.  How twisted is that shit?  I’ll have to discuss it with my therapist next week; too bad I didn’t make this epiphany yesterday.

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In Which I Share Too Much…

As of late I am seriously feeling the lack of a child in my life.  It’s a very intense and frightening feeling.  It’s scary to know that if things were different, just that much different, I would be completely ready to be a mom.  If my finances were in order and if I had a partner, I’d be knocked up faster than you could say “Go!”  I just feel an emptiness and it’s completely related to my womb and not being a Mother.  My friends announce pregnancies and post pictures of their offspring and while I’m happy for them I also find myself wondering when it’ll be my turn.  When do I get to post bump pics and ultrasound scans and revel in what my body and the body of the person I love have created?  Meh.  Enough sad thoughts for one day, I’m gonna go eat a cookie.